My wife and I recently traded in my old gas-guzzling Chevy Tahoe for a much more fuel efficient Hybrid SUV. I used to make fun of Hybrid vehicles, but as I've aged and become far more fiscally frugal, it became apparent my 2007 SUV with a lift kit and off-road tires consuming 25 gallons of gas every week wasn't doing anything to help my wallet. So we traded in for a 2021 Hybrid which only goes through two-three gallons per week was a well worth it trade. And it taught me something about competitive drives and what it really means to be competitive. Let me explain:
Our "new" car gives you an ECO score at the end of every trip to inform you how efficiently you drive in terms of fuel efficiency. The higher the score, the more fuel efficient your driving was. My wife and I swap vehicles fairly often, depending on whose driving more for the day (since her work place can vary at times). So it was after a month when I found out my wife was consistently scoring better on her ECO scores, and I got petty. Yes, I know it's ridiculous to think someone could get competitive about their driving efficiency, but I absolutely hate losing. I hate losing so much, I changed how I drive drastically just so I could "win." And this process got me thinking:
A lot of people will tell you they are competitive, but how many are willing to change their daily behaviors to truly win?
I have had the fortune of working with what I can estimate is closing in on over 750+ athletes/individuals in the last 10 years. Between doing group training for sports clubs, sport performance facilities, public schools, and individual training, I've had the opportunity to work with dozens of collegiate athletes, post collegiate athletes, and even a few professional level athletes. And, even among the non-athletes who I've been able to train, there is something successful people and athletes tend to do which others don't: change their behavior to align with their goals.
It's fairly common for people to say they are competitive, but the more I work with people it becomes far more apparent who truly means it. Truly competitive people see winning as a choice, or at least the long-term byproduct of consecutive choices they make. They are process oriented, and see actionable things they can do to win everyday to advance them along the process. Truly competitive people aren't always vocal, but they are often more coachable and more receptive to feedback. This doesn't always mean they win, but if you're going to beat them, you're going to have to fight for it.
Verbally competitive people, or people who say they are competitive yet don't change behavior, often get tunnel vision on the win itself. They see the end result, but cannot grasp the change and choices they are required to make to get there. They may often blame others for their losses, or give up when the going gets tough. In my work with athletes and successful people alike, these are often the types to throw in the towel when it gets hard, and be less receptive to feedback. But, verbally competitive people have opportunity just like those who are truly competitive.
Now, verbally competitive people have a great opportunity, because they can become truly competitive. But they have to start with acknowledging their need to make changes, and focusing less on the win and more on the process of winning. Just like I had to acknowledge my need for a change in my driving habits, verbally competitive people have to be shown or encouraged to acknowledge the behaviors they can change in order to win. This process can be challenging, and requires coaching or intentional efforts towards building process-orientation. But if done well, you can help individuals who are verbally competitive become truly competitive. And when they become truly competitive, they start to make the changes on their own.